08.11.2016
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Divine Comédie - L'Enfer (La Comédie Divine) [PDF]

by Dante Alighieri
I just want to start off by saying that "Through me you enter into the City of Woes" would make an EXCELLENT tramp stamp.Jump on it!

Being that I am an atheist living in the "Bible Belt," I was certain that reading this would lead to some sort of goodreads tirade, which can at times feel about as good as vomiting up a sour stomach or...you know...doing other stuff like shit that ladies don't do.However, I was from the outset hypnotized by Dante's très Baudelaire-esque-grotesque imagery and overall style.For such a holy shitfuck, he had quite the murky mind.He was dreaming up torture scenarios that wouldn't even BEGIN to be trumped until Gilles de Rais and Vlad Tepes came around, like, a century later.And don't be surprised if he zaps you with the occasional rotting pustule or maggot-infested knife wound.These aren't literal examples, but they illustrate just how THE OPPOSITE OF FLOWERY some of his language is. So I went into reading this with a huge wall up (I know, I know, a terrible way to read), but then I realized that I wasn't JUST going to be proselytized to...I was going to be threatened with nasty, rotting, coldsore-herpee-mange-pits all over my body that George W. Bush and Paris Hilton are going to take turns pouring their boiling-hot-diarrhea-snot into.Dante, you sick bastard!AWESOME!!!

So onward I galloped, discerning through all the filthy language that:

A) I am, in fact, going to hell.

B) They will have trouble determining the circle I will end up in because I could be placed in EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM save maybe, like, one or two (I stopped counting after awhile).

C) The Dalai Lama, too, is going to hell.*

*In fact, the "higher-ups" are apparently so sadistic, they sent people to hell who had lived morally just lives but were BORN BEFORE THE COMING OF CHRIST!He'll punish you for not worshiping Him before you even know who He is!!! If there was ever a better use for "WTF?", I don't know what it is.That's like your mom smacking you in the mouth for getting pregnant while you're still a virgin, or like wanting to ban a book that you haven't even seen in real life yet!That means that every intelligent being for the first few BILLIONS OF YEARS is in hell RIGHT NOW!ALL OF 'EM!!!Every evolutionary step forward up to the first Homosapien Christian is a batch of poor bastards that has been ferried across the River Styx.HARSH.

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I mean seriously...even Moses and Noah were in hell until Jesus came through with the VIP passes.Apparently, the wholly omniscient creator forgot to put them on the guest list.Ain't that some shit?

One specific gripe about the story...I'm not digging this whole "emasculated devil" thing.I mean, wallowing in your own filth freezing your ass off with bitch-tears in your eyes at all times?This is the malevolent force that the Christians live in constant fear of, seriously?It's a non-stop temptation to be like HIM?Come on, everybody knows the devil is confusingly sexy and he likes to smoke fancy cigars and drink brandy and wear fine suits and tell hilarious jokes.How else is he supposed to charm us away from the true path?Keep up, Dante...sheesh.

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Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.THE END!

Oh, and if you hated this review, I have a back-up review BELOW:


"Papa Said Knock You Out" (aka "The Inferno")
by Lil' J.C.
——————————————————————————

C'mon man

[News Report]

And with the local DBT news, J to the motherfuckin' C with a triumphant comeback

but tonite...

[JC]

Don't call it a comeback
I been here for years
Rockin my peers and puttin suckas in fear
Makin the tears rain down like a MON-soon
Listen to the bass go BOOM
Explosion, overpowerin
Over the competition, I'm towerin
Wreckin shop, when I drop these lyrics that'll make you call the cops
Don't you dare stare, you betta move
Don't ever compare
Me to the rest that'll all get sliced and diced
Competition's payin the price

[Chorus:]

I'm gonna knock you out (HUUUH!!!)
Papa said knock you out (HUUUH!!!)
[REPEAT 4X]

Don't u call this a regular jam
I'm gonna rock this land
I'm gonna take this itty bitty world by storm
And I'm just gettin warm
Just like Muhummad Ali they called him Cassius
Watch me bash this beat like a skull
Cuz u know I had beef wit
Why do u riff with me, the maniac psycho
And when I pull out my jammy get ready cuz it might go
BLAAAAW, how ya like me now?
The river will not allow
U to get with, Mr. Smith, dont riff
Listen to my gear shift
I'm blastin, outlastin
Kinda like Shaft, so u could say I'm shaftin
Old English filled my mind
And I came up with a funky rhyme

[Chorus]

[JC]

Breakdown!!!

Shadow boxin when I heard you on the radio (HUUUH!!!)
I just don't know
What made you forget that I was raw?
But now I got a new tour
I'm goin insane, startin the hurricane, releasin pain
Lettin you know that you can't gain, I maintain
Unless ya say my name
Rippin, killin
Diggin and drillin a hole
Pass the Ol' Gold

[Chorus]

Shotgun blasts are heard
When I rip and kill, at WILL
The man of the hour, tower of power, I'll devour
I'm gonna tie you up and let you understand
that I'm not your average man
when I got a jammy in my hand
DAAAAAM!!!!! Oooooohh!!
Listen to the way I slaaaaay, your crew
Damage (UHH) damage (UHH) damage (UHH) damage
Destruction, terror, and mayhem
Pass me a sissy so suckas I'll slay him
Farmers (What!!!) Farmers (What!!!)
I'm ready (we're ready!!!)
I think I'm gonna bomb a town (get down!!)
Don't u neva, eva, pull my lever
Cuz I explode
And my nine is easy to load
I gotta thank God
Cuz he gave me the strength to rock
HARD!! knock you out, papa said knock you out

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[PDF] Divine Comédie - L'Enfer (La Comédie Divine) download

Book info

Title
eBook formatKindle Edition, (torrent)En
Author
PublishereBooksLib
File size5.6 Mb
GanreAcademic
Release date 02.03.2011
ISBN
Pages count132
Book rating4.67 (79980 votes)
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1 comment

1. Persia Emily | 08.11.2016 17:33

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Thank you! Great book!

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